Stories
Ena McCulloch
Glasgow Bound
Ninian
gazed at the mouth watering display of pastries in the City Bakeries
window. The sun was bright behind him and he was agonizing over his
final decision, a fresh strawberry tart or a slice of rich gingerbread.
To be practical the gingerbread would be more filling, making up for the
last school dinner had missed by skipping school, but he could just feel
the juice of that succulent strawberry tart run down his chin, at the
same time he wondered if he should sneak back to school in time for
dinner, they had good meals at school, stew with thick gravy and magic
things like rhubarb crumble. Ninian’s mother was a single parent which
meant he got free dinners so the investment he was about to make in the
bakery was his bus fare to school, thus the decision could not be taken
lightly. The matter was abruptly taken out of his hands as he was
grabbed from behind by the hood of his duffle coat and a voice he knew
only too well blared in his ear, "Holy Mother of God, are you at it
again? It was his mother. She marched him home, threatening all the way
with the usual choice-a home for waifs and strays or the jail.
Ninian was a sturdy lad of fourteen, constantly growing out of his
clothes, the cuffs of his school jacket almost reached his elbows making
his wrists and hands look awkward and enormous. He had a round pleasant
face with a broad nose which was covered with freckles. He hated his mop
of red hair and lived for the day when he could join the skinheads.
Somehow Ninian knew enough not to share that particular ambition with
his mother, her dreams for him were on a much higher plane. The word
university had been mentioned with great reverence. Ambition for her son
burned fiercely in her breast. Unfortunately, Ninian found school a
great trial and he had no intentions of prolonging the agony beyond his
15th birthday. Mary Feeney surveyed her wayward son, the result of a
single indiscretion in her teens. She was the only child of Sean and
Kate Feeney who ran the general store in the little town of Buncranna in
Northern Ireland. Mary spent her school holidays and weekends helping
out in the store, she didn't mind; it was quite exciting compared to the
narrow confines of the convent school she attended. Mary’s parents were
decent people rather reserved and joyless, but then, what did she
herself know of the joy of youth? It was stifling existence living in a
small town, she yearned for excitement and romance.
Thus it was her fate to fall with a great thud for the worldly charms of
Hughie, a visitor from Glasgow who had taken to dropping into the store
frequently for his cigarettes. He had come to be best man at his
friend’s wedding and decide to extend his visit to take Mary to the New
Years dance being held at his hotel.
Mary could hardly contain her excitement, they had been out for walks
and met for coffee a few times but this was to be their first formal
date; she was ecstatic.
Her first thought was her parents, it was one thing sneaking out for
walks and coffee without their knowledge but she knew they would never
consider allowing her out with a stranger especially a tourist from
Glasgow. She swore her best friend to secrecy and told her parents that
she and Anna were going to a movie and she would stay over at Anna’s
house. Her next problem - what to wear? She didn't own anything that was
remotely glamorous so she had to be realistic and settle for the green
velvet Xmas dress, she would remove the girlish lace collar and cuffs.
Her mother's pearls would add a touch of sophistication, it shouldn't be
difficult to smuggle them into her purse. Thank heavens she’d managed to
talk her mother into the black patent shoes for Xmas, her first grown up
shoes with a little heel. She could hardly think straight and did feel a
little out of her depth, Hughie was not only older, he was also more
worldly, coming from a big City. She wanted everything to be perfect but
unfortunately lacked the experience and knowledge to deal with her
reckless emotions. Hughie had really swept her off her feet - just like
the heroes in all the romance novels she read. She longed to share this
special joy with someone but Hughie convinced her it should be "their
secret" until they made future plans. Mary felt guilty lying to her
parents and she hadn't really been totally honest with Anna, but she
just wanted to hug this wonderful feeling to herself a little longer -
Hughie was right.
The hotel Ballroom was like a fairyland of coloured lights dipping in
and out, she marvelled at the large orchestra and the rainbow of
coloured gowns swaying in time to the music. She would have been content
even to be an onlooker, it was beyond all her expectations. Hughie had
reserved a table for two - his friend and his new wife were away on
their honeymoon. The waiter appeared with two tall glasses sparkling
with, what Mary thought was lemonade. Hughie gallantly proposed a toast
to "His Wild Irish Rose". Mary was overwhelmed with happiness, it was a
truly magical evening for her especially when she learned that the
lemonade she had been drinking so freely was, in fact, champagne. She
felt slightly giddy when they got up to dance but Hughie held her
closely, it was a wonderful feeling and Mary abandoned all her nervous
concerns and devoted her attention to Hughie and the gaiety around her.
Mary lived the following days without word from Hughie, but, as the days
grew into weeks she felt desolate. What if Hughie was sick and wasn’t
able to let her know, she clung to the memory of that magic evening and
continued to waylay the postman every morning. It was finally obvious to
Mary she had to face the truth, Hughie had no intention of writing. She,
who had been so scornful of summer romances had, herself, become a
willing victim, she was heartbroken and disillusioned. Before long Mary
realized she had more serious problems than her pride, she was
astonished and horrified to discover she was pregnant! Reality came
crashing around her. How could she have been so naive? It was a lonely
frightening time for her and she was hardly in a frame of mind to make
decisions. The only thing she was sure of was she couldn’t possibly
discuss this with her parents or anyone else in the town for that
matter, there was no choice, she had to leave, and soon.
Sunday morning Mary waited till her parents had left for Mass, she had
already packed her case the night before, the only thing left was to
leave a note for her parents. She had agonized all night what to say,
how could she make this easy for them? Finally she decided on a brief
note saying she had to leave to find her independence, promising to
repay the money she had to "borrow" from the cash register. She assured
them of her love and begged their understanding. And so she left, her
mind full of recollections of the past and frightening thoughts of the
future.
Mary sat huddled in a corner on the steamer to Glasgow, the March wind
was bitterly cold but she didn’t want to risk going downstairs for
shelter in case she met anyone. She was numb partly from the cold but
mostly from shock at the situation she was in. In her panic to leave she
had given no thought beyond getting on the steamer, now she had nothing
but time to dwell on making some kind of plan for when she arrived in
Glasgow. There must be a lot of Hughie Campbells in Glasgow and she had
little else to go on. He had talked a lot about his job as a welder in
one of the shipyards and his dream of one day sailing to Canada on one
of the big liners he worked on. Through her tears Mary was overwhelmed
with shame and sorrow, she swallowed the yearning to stay aboard and
make the return trip home to beg forgiveness but the thought of facing
her parents in this state was devastating.
As the steamer docked, Mary’s heart sank at her first sight of Glasgow,
it looked so bleak, the huge Victorian buildings were blackened by smoke
from the shipyards and the sounds of traffic and industry made her feel
intimidated and depressed. She had only known the lush verdant pastures
and sleepy pace of Buncranna. There was a moment of panic, then, taking
a deep breath she clutched her case and gathered her cape around her
body like a mantle of protection.
Having made her decision Mary headed to the nearest Catholic Church
which was fortunately within walking distance of the River Clyde. She
rehearsed her speech as she walked, praying it would fall on sympathetic
ears.
The Church, though a most imposing building felt neither warm nor
welcoming, it took all Mary’s courage to take the first step toward
paying for her sins.
The initial interview with the Mother Superior to whom she had been
referred by the parish priest, didn’t help to quell Mary’s fears. Having
confessed her condition she was coldly informed "You are one of a large
group" and promptly assigned an interview with The Moral Welfare Worker,
it was a humbling experience. Once established in a dormitory with five
other members of the "very large group", Mary had a chance to survey her
surroundings. St. Ninian’s convent was stark, silent and sanitary clean,
three single beds lined each side of the room, each bed was identically
covered with well mended white linen, stretched taut managing to look
most uninviting. A crucifix was the only adornment on the white wall.
The room looked like an ironic symbol of purity. The nuns were quite
impersonal, they moved silently about their business with their heads
bowed as though in shame for their inhabitants.
The hospital wing was separate, babies, or their manner of arrival were
never discussed, it was expected that all babies would be adopted at
birth by good Catholic families. Mary, however, was one of the few who
rebelled, when her time came she had no intention of handing her baby
over as though it was part of her penance.
When she gave birth to a healthy son Mary was fiercely protective of him
and, despite the pressure brought to bear, refused to be parted from
him. Once again the Moral Welfare Worker was summoned. The result was
that contact was made through the authorities to Mary’s parents. Mary
was astonished and angry to hear this, she had planned to approach them
in their own way after the baby was born. She was further informed that
her mother was only now recovering from what was tantamount to nervous
collapse brought on by her daughter’s shameful behaviour. Both parents
were prepared to have Mary home after a decent interval but their pride
would not allow them to accept "the boy". There could be no
reconciliation for Mary under those terms, she could never abandon her
baby and felt anger hearing him referred to as "the boy".
Until now Mary had been so fearful of losing her baby she hadn't given
much thought to naming him, now it was uppermost in mind, he would never
be referred to as "the boy" again.
Mary cast her mind back to her arrival in Glasgow, although life had
been bleak and lonely in the convent, she realized it had been her
salvation. Not only had she won the battle to keep her son, but the
Mother Superior had found a domestic position for her with a wealthy
Irish family in the prosperous West End of Glasgow. She was given her
own room in the servant’s quarters and they had even produced the old
family crib for the baby. The room was rather dark from the shadow of
the large rowan trees. Mary didn’t mind that, they were cosy together
and far enough away so that the baby would not disrupt family life
upstairs.
Mary had given birth on September 16th, which, by coincidence was the
feast day of St. Ninian. There had been special masses to honour the
patron saint of the convent. St. Ninian was born in Galloway, not far
from Glasgow in the year 500 A.D. As a young man he travelled around
Britain teaching Christianity to the Picts. He was later ordained a
Bishop. Mary decided that she would name her son Ninian, it could only
auger well for his future, she thought, it seemed like a special sign.
Although isolated by poverty and shyness Mary had settled quite well in
Glasgow, the satisfaction of seeing Ninian thrive made her feel blessed.
Now that he was four years old he needed more freedom and the company of
other children. On recommendation from her employers Mary was hired by
The Glasgow Western Infirmary as a kitchen helper. Although the wage was
meagre she was able to rent a tiny flat in a tenement building close
enough for her to walk to work. Once again the Catholic Church came to
her rescue by taking Ninian in to full time day care at "The Tiny Tots
Glade" which he loved.
The situation with Mary’s parents remained unchanged, a Christmas card
with a baby picture of Ninian enclosed was not acknowledged. The
rejection of her son left Mary feeling greatly impoverished in spirit
for some time, but it forced her to face the finality of the past and
make decisions for their future. She was fraught with concern over her
place in society. Although she had discovered the true warmth behind the
rough facade of the Scots, Mary knew that the cloak of respectability
was necessary to fulfil her ambitions for Ninian's future. From now on
they would be known as the widow and son of the late Corporal H.C.
Feeney. It was an insular life for Mary, although she appeared aloof to
others, in actual fact she was very lonely, she knew if she became too
friendly with anyone she may inadvertently expose her past. The closest
she came to making a friend was with a neighbour. She was fortunate to
have good neighbours on one side was a maiden lady, Grace Kerr who lived
alone surrounded by pictures of her past, the other side was loudly
inhabited by Bob and Lizzie Philips and their brood of three boys and
two girls. Mary was very touched the night she and Ninian moved their
few bits and pieces to their first home. Hearing a knock at the door she
opened it to find Lizzie there with a plate of scones, fresh from the
oven. Mary felt a lump in her throat at such unexpected kindness, she
managed to show her gratitude and introduce Ninian who had followed her
to the door. Lizzie’s boys made much of Ninian allowing him to join in
their street games. This pleased Mary greatly, she had been concerned at
the lack of male influence in his life.
Ninian was going through the school system which he found quite a trial.
The first problem he had to overcome was his name, or rather the
children’s reaction to it. It was bad enough being nicknamed Ninny but
what he hated even more was when the Parish priests came to give
religious instruction, it never failed - he would be singled out to
recite the history of St. Niman. The only good thing to come out of that
was, from then on he was know as "The Saint" which he preferred to
Ninny, he thought it made him sound like a detective in the comics.
Religion was another cross Ninian had to bear, like most growing boys
his mind was more on football than preparing for his first confession
and communion. Mary had not yet come to terms with her feelings about
the church, until she left home. She had faithfully attended her duties,
however, since she had started to think for herself she realized that
"duties" were what indeed they were. It did seem natural to bring Ninian
up in the Catholic faith, she knew no other, and felt he needed the
discipline and guidance of the church. Ninian looked upon religion as a
grown up mystery, for instance, words like God, Jesus and Hell were
punishable words in his vocabulary but perfectly permissible when his
mother was driven to call on God or sweet Jesus when she got mad, he
decided that she must be on more personable terms with God. Pocket money
was another problem, his friends got theirs on Saturdays, then they all
went for their weekly debate - comics and sweets or the latest adventure
of The Lone Ranger at the matinee. Ninian had to devise his own methods
for pocket money, he knew his mother never parted with money without a
lecture of some kind, so he invented expenses. Having to pay a fine for
an overdue library book - that was a mistake, it just reminded her about
never seeing him read - he, in actual fact had never been in a library
in his life. One brilliant idea was school outings although the last one
was a bit testy, a class visit to a riding stable, while Mary wanted her
son to be like others boys, she just exploded at this extravagance
"Horse riding, horse riding, dear sweet Jesus, sure you'll be needing' a
Polo stick next to play with Prince Philip, holy God horse back riding.
Ninian was by no means a brilliant student. Mary would try to help him
as he agonized every night over his homework. Having gone to a small
parochial school her education had leaned towards religion rather then
the three R's. Very often she fell asleep frustrated and exhausted after
chasing a tearful Ninian to bed.
Mary’s dreams of University were fading fast, she tried to console
herself with the fact that Ninian was healthy and happy, surely he would
show signs of ambition as he headed toward his teens. The only ambition
Ninian had was to leave school as soon as possible and get a job. He did
have a sensitive streak and worried about his mother having to work so
hard, maybe that was why she was so short tempered.
One night Lizzie's eldest daughter, Phemie dropped in for a chat and a
cup of tea, she and Mary were the same age and it was the closest Mary
had come to making a friend. Ninian was regaling them with a long
laboured tale about a class mate who was in trouble with the police
resulting in the judge sending him to see "one of them trick cyclists".
They studied him in silence "Dear God, Ninian what are ye rablin on
about - has he joined the circus?"Oh no Mammy" Ninian couldn’t get the
words out fast enough "he sees this man at a big clinic every week so he
does, and when he’s shrunk his head he can come back to school". The
silence lengthened. Mary gazed at her son despairing his inability to
articulate a simple incident, what was to become of him? Phemie started
to laugh and Ninian, only too glad to be the source of amusement, joined
her. Mary studied the pair of them. Phemie was trying to explain "he
means a psychiatrist" Mary finally caught on and joined the laughter.
Ninian was amazed, he’d never seen his mother laugh like that, he still
didn’t understand what was so funny, he could only feel thrilled that he
was the cause of it. As he lay in bed that night he kept seeing his
mother’s face, free of strain - she was lovely when she laughed, he
decided to tell her a funny story every night even if he had to make
them up. When Mary checked on him later she noticed he had fallen asleep
with a smile on his face "Trick cyclist - bless his heart" she shook her
head.
Mary was aware that the nuns had little patience with Ninian, they
seemed to bring out the worst in him and found him obstinate,
nevertheless, she was very nervous to get a note from the headmaster
summoning her to an interview. She could tell by Ninian's stance that he
was feeling guilty, he looked wildly about him as she read the note.
Mary couldn't bring herself to speak, her face was white with anger "Go
to bed" she said, through tight lips.
The next day found Mary being shown into the sanctity of the
headmaster’s office, memories of her humiliation in the hands of the
Moral Welfare Worker tempted Mary to take flight but there was no
question of that, Ninian had to be dealt with. It was a subdued Ninian
who left for school that morning, he was filled with remorse knowing his
mother would be intimidated by the headmaster and discovering how much
school he had missed. He actually toyed with the idea of running away,
then when they found him his mother would be so relieved to see him
alive she’d welcome him with open arms or maybe he could even become a
famous movie star, then everybody would want his autograph. He was
exhausted just thinking of the possibilities as he dragged his feet
schoolward. The headmaster treated Mary with an air of dignified
condescension, "Ninian needs firm handling" was his opening remark" but
then fatherless boys do tend to be a problem". Mary bristled and felt
her cheeks burn, it was alright for her to recognize Ninian's
shortcomings but she felt bitter resentment at the man’s tone and
implication. She didn’t trust herself to speak yet, thinking it wiser to
hear what the problem was. The headmaster’s sanctimonious voice read off
a litany of offences - not showing up for school, mixing with a group of
hooligans older than himself, etc. etc. Mary was dumfounded, she
expected to discuss Ninian' s lack of scholastic ambition, instead what
she was hearing was that her son was not only lying to her but was well
on the way to delinquency. Her heart was pounding and her mouth was dry,
she tried to gather her wits about her but the headmaster had risen, his
words of dismissal were, "Perhaps a visit with your Parish priest would
be in order, the boy needs a man's control if he's going to amount to
anything". Mary stood outside the office door, her legs were weak and
she felt ill. Fortunately, the girl’s washrooms were across the hall,
she managed to lock herself in a cubicle and sat down. She was too
confused to think straight, taking deep breaths she fought for control,
she needed to get home and calm down before Ninian arrived. The walk
home seemed endless, by the time she reached her door she was fighting
back the tears. She put the kettle on and made herself a cup of tea. The
bustle of getting the tea ready had a calming affect on Mary, as she
sipped her tea she tried to rationalize the whole situation. Certainly
she was angry and hurt at Ninian's behaviour, she would have to deal
with that, but hearing the cold dispassionate voice referring to her son
as "the boy" resurrected emotions she’d worked all these years to bury.
Mary had to admit to herself that the scars had never healed, she found
it too hurtful and confusing to deal with the past.
What had she achieved living in this depressing tenement surrounded by
derelict wasteland - not a tree in sight. Ninian had only known this
environment Mary realized, what incentive did he have to achieve, he
needed encouragement to strive for a better future, he also needed a lot
more faith in himself. She too, would have to be more sensitive to his
needs. Ninian was not looking forward to the confrontation he expected,
he had been rehearsing excuses and promises all day long. His mother’s
silence startled him, it was the last thing he expected, he looked so
guilty and dejected that Mary's heart softened, "sit down Ninian" she
said quietly" we have to talk". Feeling wary and suspicious he did as
she bid almost wishing she'd cuff his ear and get it over with. "I'm
really very angry and disappointed in you Ninian, said Mary, you’re
going to have to mend your ways and show more responsibility, until you
do there will be no more football." That was the worst punishment she
could have chosen - it was the one thing he excelled at and what would
his team mates say? He waited till he was in bed to let the tears come,
and for the first time he went to sleep without saying his prayers.
Mary made a conscious effort to spend more time with Ninian - every
Saturday she planned a special outing, a picnic in the park, a visit to
the Transport Museum and when funds permitted a matinee. None of it was
of any interest to Ninian, his mind was on the weekly football game with
the team. As time went by he became withdrawn and sullen. Mary was
losing patience and the Saturday outings became painful for both of
them. She also suspected he was skipping school again and despaired at
the change in him.
Matters came to a head a few months later. Mary arrived from work and
there was no sign that Ninian had been home from school. She started to
prepare their meal when she heard a knock at the door. "He's forgotten
his key again" she said, ready to scold him, the words froze on her lips
when she saw the police constable. "Dear God", she cried "What’s
happened to Ninian?" "He’s quite safe" replied the constable "yeer
laddie's got himself into a wee spot of bother". Mary grabbed her as he
spoke, the thought of Ninian being held in the police station was her
worst nightmare come true - it seemed as though Ninian was leaping from
failure to failure, where would it end?
When Mary saw the sorry group at the police station she was shocked to
see the types Ninian had been involved with, the leader Sammy was almost
six feet tall and wore an army surplus overcoat - he looked like he
might be armed to the teeth thought Mary. Their crime was shoplifting -
cigarettes, of all things, she was sure Ninian didn't smoke, she would
have smelled it on his clothes. Ninian had actually tried since all the
rest of the gang smoked but he was so sick he didn't repeat the
experience. They were ordered to face the Magistrate in court two days
hence.
There was no conversation on the way home. Mary felt utterly defeated
and Ninian had the good grace to be ashamed. It was a long two days.
Mary was not receptive to Ninian's attempts at explaining his innocence,
that he had just wanted to be one of the gang. On the day of the hearing
they both made a special effort at looking their best. Mary checked
Ninian from head to toe, noticing his boots were shining. Just before
they went out the door she took out her powder puff and battered her
face with it - courage, she told herself. They were the first to arrive
at the courtroom. Mary instructed Ninian to say his prayers till the
Magistrate arrived. There was a commotion at the back of the room. Sammy
had arrived, still weighed down by the army coat which looked as though
he’d slept in it. He was accompanied by his mother and they were
obviously well known in these surroundings. There was a delay while
Sammy's mother was relieved of her cigarette, her orange hair was
clamped down close to her head with curlers. Mary was consoled when she
looked around, she and Ninian looked as though they’d wandered in there
by mistake, it was cold comfort. The policeman read the charges as the
boys lined up before the Magistrate, Sammy managed to look bored, while
the rest of them looked as though they might topple over in a rigid
heap. The Magistrate dealt with Sammy first declaring that, since the
accused learned nothing from his last visit, he would be sent to a
remand home for six months. Mary gasped "Oh, please God" she prayed"
don't let them take Ninian away, he really is a good boy". The
Magistrate then addressed the rest of the culprits in a severe fatherly
manner promising them the same fate if he saw them here again. At that
Sammy's mother leapt to her feet". "Here now, just a minute there ye've
nae right tae pick oan ma Sammy, he wiz an innocent bystander, ah could
sue ye for defloration of character, you know". She was escorted from
the court loudly threatening "A’ll write to the Queen so A will". The
Magistrate concluded proceeding by putting each of the culprits on a
years probation and released them. Not a word was spoken on the way home
they were both too emotional.
Mary put the kettle on while Ninian set the table, their pain was
palpable, in an effort to apologize to his mother Ninian broke down and
sobbed. Mary put her arms around him, they hugged each other silently
for a long time as their tears mixed unheeded on their cheeks.
The probation officer came the next evening, Mary’s welcome was less
than effusive and Ninian was very nervous. Colin Matheson quickly put
them at their ease, before long the kettle was on and the atmosphere was
more relaxed. Colin filled them in on his background, he had joined the
Police Force in his early twenties but somewhere along the way he was
drawn to the plight of all the little Oliver Twists who passed through
the courts daily. He studied the Child Welfare Act and decided to become
a Probation Officer finding it more rewarding to follow up on youngsters
who may otherwise be lost in the shuffle of court procedures. It didn’t
take him long to recognize the source of Ninian’s rebellion, it was
known as "complete submission of the personality, in other words, what
you are told to become". Ninian knew he could never hope to fulfil
Mary's dreams, the guilt he felt became a heavy burden and he had no one
to share it with.
When Mary saw how positively Ninian was reacting to Colin she decided to
be more receptive to the suggestions for Ninian’s future - she
reluctantly agreed he would be better learning a trade than wasting his
time at school. Colin felt Ninian would learn responsibility and self
discipline, contributing to the household would also give him a feeling
of self esteem. An interview was arranged for him by Colin, a reference
was also supplied and much to everyone’s delight Ninian was hired on a
three month trial basis as a mail delivery boy at the Police Station. He
would take courses at night school in the hope that he would eventually
qualify as a Police Cadet. Mary was so grateful. Who would have thought
his run in with the Police would be the turning point in their lives?
Colin had been a godsend, the change in Ninian was remarkable. Mary
decided it was time to give him a bit more freedom, he had earned her
trust since he started work and was making good friends. Ninian was
pleased with his lot, he had grown taller and, although he didn’t get
around to joining the skinheads, he did get a stylish haircut, kept
under control by hair cream. Mary was fascinated as she watched him
prepare to meet his friends at the Pop Inn Cafe, he applied great gobs
of hair cream then pulled the comb through the crinkly mess splattering
the wallpaper with rows of oily dots. By the time he was ready to leave,
the hair cream would be running down his face like bacon fat. Finally
Mary was relaxing and feeling a degree of contentment. She looked
forward to the evenings when they would sit and chat, mostly about
Ninian’s future. He was showing signs of maturity and often surprised
her by taking the initiative like the day he received his first pay, a
few coins in a little brown envelope with his name on it. He had been
planning to bring it home unopened and proudly present it to his mother,
but Mary surprised him by telling him he was to keep his first pay, he
couldn't believe he was hearing right" Yes Ninian, it's something you'll
always remember, having money in your pocket with the satisfaction of
working for it". She quickly added that from then on he would get pocket
money and the rest would lessen her financial burden. Ninian had a great
time spending the money ten times over before he got it, such riches all
to himself. As Mary served him his porridge that first pay day, she
could sense his excitement and wondered what foolishness he’d get up to
with his hard earned cash. As he left he casually called over his
shoulder "I'1l be a wee bit late tonight, don’t make supper till I get
home". Mary assumed he’d made big plans with his friends, she had to
bite her tongue, so strong was the temptation to insist he not spend his
money foolishly - oh well, she was learning!
The house felt quiet Mary was feeling a deep contentment mingled with a
pleasant feeling of achievement, the sense of having earned this present
leisure. She was surprised to hear Ninian’s key in the door and even
more surprised when she saw the brown carrier bag. She rose to put the
kettle on but he led her back to her chair by the fire "It’s my turn
tonight" he said with a wide grin and proceed to put a fresh cloth on
the table and unpack the bag. Mary was mesmerized, out came two fish
suppers, a bottle of lemonade, a cigar and two succulent strawberry
tarts. Mary looked at the feast and her eyes filled with tears. A
sublime happiness possessed her. Ninian seated her at the table with a
flourish and entertained her throughout the meal with stories of the
people he worked with. He loved his job and had been given more
responsibility as time went by. When Mary started to clean the table
Ninian insisted she remain seated "the party isn't over yet" he said.
She thought for a dreadful moment he was going to light up the cigar,
but he rummaged through his pockets and produced a Woolworth’s bag "Just
a wee present" he said as he handed it to her. Opening the bag she
discovered he’d bought her a lipstick of all things. Before she could
say a word he insisted she put some on, she stood on her tip toes to see
in the mirror above the mantle. She shivered when she saw her
reflection, her lips were bright purple. I look like a good candidate
for a coronary, she thought, as she smiled at him. "You look beautiful
Mammy" he said with great sincerity, that was good enough for Mary, she
kissed him on the cheek and they both laughed as he looked at the purple
imprint on his cheek reflected in the mirror. He had obviously spent
every penny of his wages on this special evening but it was worth it to
see his mother so happy, she deserved it. The cigar, Mary was relieved
to hear, was for Colin who dropped in to see them regularly as a friend.
Life settled into a pleasant routine, Ninian worked hard at his job and
studies earning the respect of his peers, her son’s success had become
Mary’s too, she still worked hard but it didn’t bother her nearly as
much for she knew at the end of the day she and Ninian would share a
meal and enjoy each other’s company. Ninian was almost six feet tall now
and, in the past year his youthful body had filled out. He exercised
regularly at the local youth club, determined to be in top condition
when his application came up for the police force. Mary was now
beginning to make friends at work and was feeling more hopeful of her
own future. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that Ninian would pass
his entrance exam, the course would be twelve weeks. The day he took the
exam Mary was more nervous than him, she couldn't swallow her breakfast,
and fussed over him like a mother hen, Ninian was glad to see her leave
for work. His stomach was churning as he looked around the classroom,
there were fifty candidates and only twenty five would be accepted,
please God, he would be one of them. He did his very best covering
everything he had studied now for months, he wouldn’t’t allow himself to
feel too confident, the result was in the lap of the Gods. He tried to
reassure Mary, they ended up going out for a walk to take their minds
off the subject. Fortunately, they were informed of the results the next
day. Mary rushed to the door when she heard Ninian's key - one look at
the elation on his face told all - he had made the first hurdle and the
next would be surviving twelve weeks at Police College.
The house was so empty without him, Mary was like a lost soul, she
realized how close they had become and how much she was living her life
through Ninian. Now that he was noticing girls she must face the fact
she would have to share him one day, she decided not to dwell on that
morbid thought, time enough when his career was settled. Ninian found
the cause very strenuous, every day was demanding and then learning the
mysteries of writing reports - that part he disliked most. He dropped
the odd note to his mother knowing she would be concerned and missing
him. The end of the course couldn’t come soon enough for Mary. She spent
her evenings making jam, baking his favourite shortbread and finally
gave his room a thorough cleaning. Ninian returned looking very weary
and drawn. Mary tactfully kept all her questions to herself, they could
wait. The boy needed a good home cooked meal and a rest - it was enough
for now to have his presence. Gradually, she heard the details and
worried at how competitive it all was, she pampered him as much as she
could it was all she could offer to keep his spirits up. They both lay
awake every morning listening for the postman' s heavy step on the
stair, when it did come they leapt out of bed bumping into each other as
they bent to pick up the envelope. Mary drew back, this was Ninian’s big
moment she reminded herself going into the kitchen to put the kettle on.
Her hands were trembling, there was silence in the all "Oh dear God,
give him this, he deserves it" she pleaded. Ninian came and handed her
the letter. His face was impassive. She had trouble focusing on the
words, then she gasped "Ninian-Ninian - you've made it" - she could not
articulate, her eyes blinded suddenly with tears. The next thing she
knew Ninian had grabbed her by the waist and they were dancing around
the kitchen laughing and crying. Oh, the joyous relief that surged
through her, she had to sit down. Ninian made her a cup of tea to calm
her before she rushed off to work. Ninian read the letter again, he
couldn’t believe his good fortune he rushed out to phone Colin with the
good news. The instructions in the letter were to report to Police
Headquarters the following Saturday morning at 8 a.m., the formal
ceremony would be at 10 a.m. Each candidate would be allowed to bring
two guests who were invited to take part in the luncheon after the
ceremony. It was here - the great triumphant day! Mary was dressing for
the ceremony, her cheeks were flushed and her movements were flustered.
Ninian had already left and Colin would be picking her up in his car. As
she pulled her dress over her head, she felt a bit apprehensive. Lizzie
had run it up for her from a piece of brown voile, a special bargain at
the remnant shop, but what matter the dress, her triumph was to see her
son receive his diploma from The Lord Provost. She had given a lot of
though to the final touch - as a tribute to Ninian she powdered her face
and applied the purple lipstick.
When Colin arrived she checked herself one last time in the mirror, she
was dubious about the colour of the dress, was it too drab? She wished
now it was something soft and flimsy. She felt reassured when Colin gave
her an admiring glance and told her she looked too young to be a
policeman’s mother. There were reserved seats for guests near the front
-Mary sat erect and proud, she had no idea what to expect, Colin told
her it would be a very traditional ceremony. Suddenly there was a drum
roll, followed by The Glasgow Police Pipe Band in full regalia marching
down the aisle followed by the dignitaries and twenty five immaculate,
fully uniformed policemen complete with white gloves, the silver badge
number on their helmets shining.
The audience stood as the procession made their way to the stage. Mary
was sure her legs were going to buckle under her, she was finding it
difficult to contain her emotions. In his welcoming speech the Lord
Provost paid tribute to the successful candidates and also congratulated
the parents adding "they will be a credit to you and your City". As each
diploma was presented, the Lord Provost received a smart salute in
return. Suddenly Mary's body grew tense - rigid with expectancy, at last
Ninian's name had been called, he advanced to the dias, his figure
erect, his face was pale but he had perfect poise. Her heart thrilled
within her, she was overwhelmed. The ceremony finished with the Police
Chaplain offering a prayer of thanks for these fine young men. The
soaring sound of the Pipes once again led the party down the aisle into
the Chief’s private dining room, the newly inducted constables were
allowed to sit with their parents. As Ninian approached them, Mary tried
to conceal her emotion as Colin shook Ninian’s hand. Mary decided humour
would lighten the moment "So who do you think you are" she teased.
Ninian stood to attention, gave her a smart salute and replied, "Madam,
I am the law". A tear loaded with face powder rolled like a pearl down
her cheek.
"Jesus wept", said Mary.
by Ena McCulloch (Canada) nee Ena Mc
Cartney from Glasgow