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THAT SEPTUAGENARIAN’S STILL THINKING
I asked staff at a Scottish museum if they had a special rate for
pensioners, they said no; I asked if they had a special rate for
Englishmen and they charged me double.
I couldn’t run the country. There isn’t a stamp big enough to put my
head on.
Rain, choir practise and sheep – it’s a man’s life in Wales.
Even journalists have mothers. Allegedly!
I’m a lousewort in the garden of love.
I’m a forget-me-not in the garden of love. In my dreams!
I’d make all the illegal immigrants live in Yorkshire. That’d teach ’em.
I’ll tell you about my brother’s life – it was a mistake.
If I’d never been born would the world grieve?
I know everything about nothing or should that be nothing about
everything.
If you were the only girl in the world it would solve the problem of
population explosion.
I have the body of a god – Buddha.
I hope art doesn’t become the new rock-n-roll. I didn’t like the old
rock-n-roll.
How do ghost writers manage to hold a pen?
I used to be young and foolish. Now I’m old and even more foolish.
Don’t live your life in the fast lane, you’ll get to the end of the
journey quicker.
Where there’s a will there’s a lawyer.
The World Cup has the right initials. England’s chance of winning
certainly went down the toilet.
Blondes prefer gentlemen.
Television used to be an art form and now it’s just talking furniture.
Today is tomorrow’s history lesson.
England would be a better football team if the manager picked 11
Brazilians.
Put your money in bricks and mortar – own a building firm.
Thomas Hardy is the Russian novelist of English literature.
The lingua franca of politicians worldwide is Analspeak.
Never put pepper on your custard.
To be or not to be that is the question. I wasn’t and never will be that
is the answer.
A word to the wise – and the rest is silence.
Leslie Garratt – the singing cleavage.
Knowledge isn’t wisdom.
If you put suntan cream on your chips will it stop them from burning?
Don’t live for today, plan for tomorrow. Or should that be the other way
round?
Manchester City are to increase the capacity of their stadium to 60,000,
making it almost as large as Old Trafford’s trophy room.
The new government say: ‘We’re all in it together.’ Some of us are
deeper in it than others.
The US President is the most famous man in the world named Barak Obama.
Shops give refunds on defective goods, why can’t you get your money back
if you find a spelling mistake in your newspaper?
A change is as good as a rest, but not if you’re playing snooker.
If Tracey Emin trod in cowpat, would that make it art.
He had biceps the size of my thighs. He could have arm wrestled an
octopus.
Never race against a centipede, it has the legs on you.
The hope of today is the despair of tomorrow.
Don’t worry about the things you haven’t done. Worry about the things
you’re going to do.
Don’t take everything you read in the Bible as gospel.
I don’t have an RP accent, more PR (Particularly Raucous).
There are two types of people in the world. Those put on earth to help
me, and there’s me.
Perhaps England would have fared better in the World Cup if they’d sent
their cricket team.
I’m working class, or I would be if I had a job.
Live off the fat of the land – lodge at my house.
Take a trip down Memory Lane and erase the things you’re trying to
forget.
It was the thin end of the coconut.
I saw a fishing magazine called Total Carp and thought is that a
spelling mistake?
If knowledge is power that explains why I’m powerless.
THOUGHTS OF A SEPTUAGENARIAN One liners
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MORE THOUGHTS OF A SEPTUAGENARIAN
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YET MORE THOUGHTS OF A SEPTUAGENARIAN
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EVEN FURTHER THOUGHTS OF A SEPTUAGENARIAN
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STILL MORE THOUGHTS OF A SEPTUAGENARIAN
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THAT SEPTUAGENARIAN'S STILL THINKING
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MORE SEPTUAGENRIAN THOUGHTS click
FURTHER SEPTUGENARIAN THINKING click
THE SEPTUGENARIAN THINKS AGAIN
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ECCENTRIC THOUGHTS OF A SEPTUAGENARIAN
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ODD THOUGHTS OF A SEPTUAGENARIAN
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